Únies Gonzalez
Únies Gonzalez is an ar*st working within the mediums of photo, film, and written word. They are tremendously uncomfortable with the concept of speaking of oneself so instead, they will say this:
“I do not make anything purely because I want to, but because I have the insatiable need to do so.”
I’m alone in the apartment and I can’t get the pilot to light. My thumb throbs as I push the igniter, at first with a lazy pace but more quickly as the frustration sets in.
I can’t do it, I can’t light it. I lean back propping my feet up on the kitchen wall next to the water heater closet. I am tired and I am too old to not know how to solve this problem; too young to know that it’s okay I can’t do it on my own.
I press my feet into the wall, watch as they bend and redden. I have a toe ring, one that a boy gawked at and guffawed, “This is how I know you are only 18.” Too young to love, but old enough to sleep with.
The water is cold and it will remain cold. I curl up with my back pressed against the cabinets. I don’t remember the last time we mopped, or maybe I do.
I don’t know if this is good writing, I don’t want to do this alone, and I don’t know what this has to do with my photos.
My dog is curled up next to me, I extend my hand and drag my finger across the grimy area beneath the water heater. This kitchen is small, but it felt so big when we laid on the floor in the empty apartment, tingling with the excitement that something was ours. Before the thoughts turn into faces, I feel my elbows move to prop myself up.
“I need to grab my camera..”
I hesitate
This moment will not be mine anymore if I get up. This moment will cease to exist, it will become a new one, a staged one, a false one. I sink back down onto the floor.
Photographs are a defense to the fear of forgetting.